Last week I shared photos of my running buddy Emma Wilkinson, and I, jogging along together at the Hardwolds 40 ultra marathon. There we were in synchronised step running together and posing for selfies. But the truth is I ditched her.
We ran most of the race together but at mile 42 of 48 we were joined by her daughter. By this point Emma was “navigating a fine line between maintaining a steady pace and blowing up” and didn’t want to push her luck. I on the other hand had spotted a long downhill stretch and was desperate to take full advantage of it and tank it down the hill.
As Emma and her daughter were chatting away behind me I turned around and asked “is it OK if I run ahead, I want to make the most of the downhill?”. Emma said no problem and off I went. I absolutely loved smashing the downhill but did feel a little bit guilty. I told myself they were having mother-daughter bonding time but really I wanted to go faster.
It got me thinking about racing etiquette and if it’s ever OK to leave a running buddy mid race. And what happens when you start chatting to someone for a long stretch, as is common on ultras, and then you find yourself speeding up. Should you wait for them, tell them you are going ahead, or just say nothing and run off?
I asked Emma how she felt about me ditching her, and she was absolutely fine. She wanted to run at a pace she was comfortable with and she had her daughter for company. Had it been halfway through the race she admitted she might have been annoyed. But then I don’t think I would have done it under those circumstances.
We’ve run lots of ultra together and on some occasions she has encouraged me to pull away, and I’ve done vice versa. Similarly if I bomb it down a hill I wait for her at the bottom and if she tanks it uphill, she does likewise. But we are good friends and we know how to read each other and the situation. We also communicate what we are doing and feeling.
But I’ve had other situations when ditching hasn’t been such an amicable experience. Once I ran the Belvoir Challenge, a 15-mile slog through knee-high water as the rain lashed down all day. It was a pretty horrendous experience and throughout the race a lovely bloke from my triathlon club (yes I used to do triathlon 🤢) stayed with me. He waited at the top of every hill and said he wouldn’t leave me, despite him being able to move at twice my speed. Later in the race a third club member joined us and we trudged along together. But when we hit the final 500 metres which was on smooth, lush tarmac, I got over-excited and dashed off. I sped ahead, ditching both blokes.
They have never let me live it down. It seems I had broken some secret code, such as: Thou must not leave a fellow runner behind after slogging through the mud together all day.
But is this really true? And what is the correct running etiquette for us non-competitive runners?
I find this a really difficult conundrum to answer because as well as doing the ditching I have been on the receiving end of it. Last year I took part in a 250km multi day race in Tanzania. I signed up with a friend and we travelled out together. We even had a team name. On the first two days he was telling everyone we were running as a team and were sticking together. Then half way through day three, on a particularly tough section going up Mount Kilimanjaro, he ditched me. Without a word he marched ahead and I couldn’t keep up.
I was absolutely fuming. It was the hardest part of the entire week for me, and my running buddy had deserted me. We later spoke about it and I understood his reasons for doing it but in the moment I was enraged. And then I did the same thing to another runner.
The day after I was ditched I found myself bonding with another female runner. We ran/walked together for about 10 searing hours under the blazing African sun. We shared our life stories and got so comfortable that I was farting away whilst she had her first wild poo next to me (again, fairly typical in long ultras).
The next day, which was day five of five, she caught up with me half way through the route whilst I was struggling up an 800m hill in 90% humidity. She stuck with me all the way to the top, and we scrambled down together, cursing at the slippery rock. But once we hit the flatlands I found myself edging away. She had told me the previous day how she hated slowing down other runners, and that was why she was not with the people she traveled with. So as I pulled away, I figured she would understand.
But this time I didn’t say anything, despite the fact we had stuck with one another for several hours. By that point she was chatting away to another runner we had caught up with so I figured it was fair game to leave. But again, I had the runner’s guilt. She had waited for me whilst I lumbered over the hill, but I wasn’t hanging around for her on the flat.
When I saw her later that day, I apologised for leaving her. She was completely supportive and commented on my power on the flat, which obviously surprised her as I had been so useless going uphill. So maybe it was all OK after all.
But what about if you are pacing someone? Is this a different story? A couple of years ago I agreed to pace a friend around an 11k course. We set off a bit too fast (not great pacing from me) and around 9k she was starting to flag. But she could tell that I was itching to go ahead, particularly since I knew there was a downward stretch coming up (see the pattern here?). I didn’t say a word but she knew, possibly because I kept looking at my watch. So she did the honourable thing and encouraged me to go. I said no at first but when she insisted a second time, I didn’t hesitate. Off I went.
Fast forward a year and I was helping a friend to get round a half marathon course. For me it was a training run and I had a broken toe at the time so definitely didn’t want to race. About three quarters into the race she told me to go. She kept insisting that I go ahead, but this time I refused. I knew that she needed my moral support to get round. In a previous race she had told me to go, and I had, but that time I had the sense that my ease at the pace was annoying her. This time I knew she was just being polite.
At the end of the race she thanked me and said she probably wouldn’t have got round without me, so I knew this time I had judged it right.
So where does this leave me? I guess it depends on the circumstance. In a training session or a social run I would never leave anyone behind. And I think that is one of the unwritten rules of running. When I did a training run in Eryri earlier this year with ultra runner Damian Hall and his motley crew of amazing athletes I was so thankful for this rule. I was the one at the back the whole time, shaking as we ascended the ridges, and Damo made sure I wasn’t dropped. But that didn’t stop me from ditching the rest of them when I hit a steep downhill road section at the end. I just couldn’t help myself…
Can you help to crew a female ultra runner?
Ultra runner Nikki Love (who ran across Australia🤯) is taking on her latest challenge this weekend. She is attempting to run from John O’Groats to Lands End via the Three Peaks. But she’s been ditched too!
Here’s a message from Nikki who is looking for someone to support her adventure. If you can help, drop me an email: lilycanter@yahoo.co.uk
Is there anyone out there who would like to come to Scotland with me this weekend (6th July) and drive a van 55kms a day from John O’Groats to …
Option A - Lands End (5th August)
Option B - Dalston, Lake District (19th July)
Option C - join me at Fort William (14th July until Dalston 19th July)
Thanks for reading this week’s newsletter. If you have any running news for me, let me know! Feel free to send feedback to lilycanter@yahoo.co.uk or suggest topics you’d like me to cover.